How to mend a broken heart with Bach Flower Remedies
Just in time for Valentine’s Day!
If February 14th is circled on the kitchen calendar, may your day be filled with romantic gestures and the heady bouquet of wine and roses.
But what if love goes wrong? Fortunately, Bach Flower Remedies are perfectly suited to helping us navigate matters of the heart and mending the broken ones.
It always starts well…
When we’re in love, the world is a wonderful place. We feel wildly euphoric and glow noticeably with happiness and joy.
Our brains release a potent cocktail of hormones such as oestrogen, testosterone, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and others which make us feel absolutely fabulous and closely connected to the object of our desire.
We are often light-headed, experience heart palpitations, butterflies in the stomach, insomnia and loss of appetite. And let’s not forget, embarrassingly sweaty palms. That side effect, we could all do without!
Valentine’s Day comes with high expectations and when relationships are flawed, this can lead to grave disappointment. We often pin our hopes on special occasions to reconnect emotionally with our partners as we attempt to repair any surface cracks.
If love really does make the world go around, why do those in relationships so often spend this highly celebrated day (and night) drowning in deep, anticlimactic gloom?
The truth is, even the sweetest love story can turn sour at any time of year.
When the love train hits an obstacle, it can quickly derail
Love, lust and attachment can very suddenly shift to anxiety, suspicion and even hatred when relationships begin to fall apart.
Whatever the cause, this happens because the areas of the brain controlling sexual arousal and attraction also control anger and rage. Think Fatal Attraction. Scary.
Okay, so that might be a little extreme and without getting too scientific, when we’re consumed by lust and attraction, the brain’s prefrontal cortex function changes and so does our ability to behave rationally. Who hasn’t done something silly (or wholly embarrassing) when hopelessly in love… and lived to regret it? Mea culpa!
If you’re not feeling great about your romantic relationship or love generally, there could be many reasons why. These can lead to a long list of negative emotions. If your relationship is already over and you're struggling to move on, you're probably not feeling very happy either. It takes courage to confront the flaws within our relationships, our partners and ourselves…
Bach Flower Remedies provide comfort, support and stability when emotions are heightened.
The system provides safe, simple remedies to help balance see-saw emotions that cause anxiety, sadness, anger, suspicion, guilt, low confidence and many others that just make us downright unhappy.
In a less emotionally charged or neutral state, it’s much easier to see any situation with clarity. When calm and balanced, finding courage to initiate awkward (and hopefully constructive) conversations becomes less daunting. Or perhaps it’s simply time to make some uncomfortable decisions about the future of a relationship.
The Bach system supports us during the process and in periods of transition. We emerge optimisitic and ready to fully embrace life.
I love a happy ending as much as the next hopelessly romantic Bach Practitioner. But if things don’t go to plan, here’s a selection of remedies I recommend for a fragile, bruised or broken heart.
Wishing you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day!
Remedies to try
Crab Apple
Known as ‘the cleansing remedy’ for mind and body, those requiring Crab Apple often feel unclean or have poor self image which can result in low self-esteem and even feelings of self-disgust. They are usually sensitive, quite particular people who strive for perfection in everything. OCD types fit the brief perfectly.
In love and relationships, Crab Apple is very helpful for those who feel dirty or contaminated by an unpleasant or regrettable sexual experience (just sayin’ for those who care to partake in an impromptu Valentine’s skirmish).
This remedy can also be applied topically to soothe skin irritations or added to bath water to relieve discharges and infections. See below for directions.
Crab Apple is helpful to those who fixate on small details and faults, failing to see the big picture. Let’s be honest, that’s not ideal in any relationship but it’s pretty dangerous when you’re one half of a couple.
The positive potential of Crab Apple is self-acceptance and the ability to focus on important issues rather than petty details.
Holly
This remedy is for anger, jealousy, suspicion, revenge and hatred often stemming from insecurity.
Holly is recommended when we develop negative feelings towards others for wrongs that are real or imagined. In a situation where there is suspicion without proof, Holly helps to calm heightened emotions. Should your worst fears be realised, Holly remains an important remedy to manage emotions following any betrayal.
For all the negative associations of Holly, it is perhaps more about love than any other remedy in the system. With Holly, we become more understanding, patient, open-hearted and forgiving even with those who have hurt us. Dr Bach wrote: "Holly protects us from everything that is not Universal Love."
Honeysuckle
Honeysuckle is the remedy for those who dwell on the past. These people constantly look back at both happier times and those of regret. They are unable to recover from unhappy experiences or perhaps a lost love, reliving painful memories when they might have made different choices.
The bereaved greatly benefit from Honeysuckle which helps them to live in the present remembering with gratitude the joy of love. Honeysuckle is freedom from the past and faith in the present and future.
Larch
Larch is the remedy for lack of self-confidence or an inferiority complex.
Relationships gone bad can chip away at our confidence. Sometimes we doubt our ability to form new attachments with others even when we have all the qualities required to love and be loved.
Whether we contributed to the demise of a previous relationship or not, we often wear the scars for years afterwards. Sometimes, we're too afraid to take the plunge again, convinced we'll fail.
Larch helps us move forward with determination and increased self-esteem; willing to take risks, neither afraid or discouraged by any outcome.
Pine
Pine is for feelings of guilt. With Pine, where our responsibility ends and where it begins for others comes into sharper focus., relieving us of guilt and self-blame.
If you ever find yourself apologising when you’ve done nothing wrong, Pine is for you!
This remedy helps us to accept and forgive our weaknesses. We are human. We all make mistakes.
Star of Bethlehem
This is the remedy for comfort and consolation after shock or trauma. Now please stay with me. It’s story time…
Your partner does the unspeakable and we're not talking about leaving the lid off the toothpaste!
He's unfaithful. He’s been caught with his pants down. Literally. Your favourite neighbour's daughter is pregnant with his child. She's barely 18. He leaves you (and the three children you already have together) to start a new life with his pregnant teenage girlfriend. He wants a divorce.
You didn't have a clue.
Perhaps far-fetched but actually, relationships break down in extraordinary circumstances all the time. They bring shock, sometimes delayed, pain and profound unhappiness.
Star of Bethlehem helps to balance the effects of immediate and delayed shock which can manifest in physical symptoms further down the track. Sorry, I promise, no more train references!
Star of Bethlehem partners well with Honeysuckle for those who are suddenly bereaved, an entirely different kind of heartbreak.
Sweet Chestnut
For extreme mental anguish.
Sweet Chestnut selection may apply if someone has been stuck in a difficult or perhaps abusive relationship. Afraid for their safety or the safety of children, they may feel alone, hopeless and in total despair.
While circumstances may not change, Sweet Chestnut helps to alter the emotional response. We can face extreme difficulties with hope recognising that any crisis is an opportunity for inner change.
Walnut
Walnut is called the link-breaker.
It allows us to move forward with life, severing links with people and the past. It protects us from the influence and opinion of others. Rather, we listen to our higher self, taking full control of our decisions.
For those who may be in a dead-end relationship but for whatever reason, have been unable to leave, Walnut lends support through any feelings of doubt. The positive potential is an ability to step forward after feeling trapped or stuck. Next!
Willow
Willow is for resentment, bitterness and self-pity. This is the remedy that lifts us out of negativity after things go wrong.
Going to ground is completely normal especially when things have ended badly. But those in need of Willow tend to dwell on their misfortune, feeling resentful and hard done by.
They become something of a wet-blanket in all social situations and rarely have anything remotely positive to say about anyone or anything.
Willow beautifully neutralises negative feelings. We view our situation with greater perspective, taking responsibility for the part we have played. We forgive those who have wronged us and can enjoy life with fresh optimism and an increased power of attraction!
How to take the Remedies
For topical use of Crab Apple
To use as a lotion, add a few drops to water and apply with a cotton pad or compress.
To use in the bath, add 10 drops to bathwater of average depth.
Rescue Remedy Cream also contains Crab Apple to soothe, calm and cleanse minor skin irritations.
The two most common ways to take the remedies are as follows:
Short term and passing moods
Take two drops of each remedy in a glass of water, juice, tea or any other beverage. Sip regularly throughout the day until symptoms fade. Remedies can also be taken neat on the tongue.
Long term and complex remedies
You may feel attracted to more than one of the remedy descriptions above. It's perfectly safe and efficient to take up to seven remedies in one mixture. Just choose the ones that feel most relevant now.
If your worries are longer-lasting, the most economical method is to mix your remedies in a treatment bottle.
To do this, you will need a 30ml bottle with a dropper.
Fill the bottle to the shoulder with still mineral water.
Add two drops of each chosen remedy.
Take 4 drops from your mixture, 4 times per day in a beverage or directly on the tongue.
The mixture bottle will last three weeks and is best kept refrigerated. If this is not possible, add a teaspoon of brandy to fortify the mixture. Cider vinegar or glycerin can also be used if you prefer an option without alcohol.
If your current mood feels more extreme or unlike any of the remedy descriptions above, there may be a more appropriate prescription for you. Take a look at some of the other possibilities available and if you’re new to the system, seeking the help of a Bach Foundation Registered Practitioner is recommended.
If you’d like personalised help with remedies for any other emotional concerns, consultations are available at the Light Centre, Clapham Common at my introductory price of £49.
For those further afield, Zoom and telephone consultations are also available. Check the People - Bach Flower Remedy tab for prices.
For further information about Bach remedies or to find a local practitioner, visit the Bach Centre website.
